Turns out I don't even use body wash. I'm still a bar-soap man. But if you haven't already, you should watch the new old spice commercial (http://www.youtube.com/user/oldspice?v=uLTIowBF0kE&feature=pyv&ad=5066079497&kw=old%20spice&gclid=CNG9vPzm46ICFclL5QodxT8sUw) and tell me how he gets those jeans on!
No, the title of this entry is just a metaphor. Today, I was in the backyard having a smoke and the U2 song "Where The Streets Have No Name" came up on my internal jukebox. The line that says "I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside" kept repeating and suddenly, I felt inspired. The last two weeks of my life have been some of the worst weeks of the past two years, and it's been because of these walls that have been holding me inside of my own head (I know this is getting sentimental, but bear with me). I looked around me at all the butts I'd carelessly tossed into the yard in my parents' absence and I realized I had to make a change. They were all wet and burnt out and that's exactly how I've been feeling. The hardest part about being depressed is how it traps you inside. All you can think about is yourself and how depressed you are. As a consequence, anything that seems like it may be a strain on your already exhausted psyche goes straight out the window. This becomes a problem when the only things that will make you feel better are just that. I know that running makes me feel better, but that involves putting on shorts and exerting myself. Sounds simple, but I was lower than low. I've maybe showered 4 times and have spent most of my time half-dressed or less inside this house.
Anyways, the running was just an example of how short-sighted depression can make you. All that being said, I'd like to think that life is more than just feeling good. Being depressed, you can do things that make you feel good but that doesn't make life better. It has to be more than feeling good, there has to be something else. It's the difference between drinking until your face goes numb and cleaning the kitchen to your favorite tunes; between smoking a cigarette and doing tai chi; between eating half a carton of ice cream and going for a jog. All this things can make someone feel good, but to what end? It's thrown up a cautionary flag for me. Be careful of today's "live in the moment" society. Sure, it's a good idea, but it can't be taken too far. There isn't always going to be a quick return or instant gratification, no matter how much we want it. Smoking isn't going to instantly implode my lungs the same way taking a jog isn't going to instantly give me the calves of a donkey. These things take time and investing in the future is something I think often slips our collective consciousness. And depression (to bring this full circle) certainly shortens our sight. So today I'm resolving to break down the walls that block my vision of the future. I never thought I'd take the words of Bono to mean anything, and this sounds super cheesy, I know; but you know it's true ;-)
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